Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
