You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And then he peed in my hair
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
