duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
