Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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