Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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