8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
