Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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