$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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