In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize