i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
