when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
