i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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