The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
