piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she smelled like a LAN party
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
