I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
