I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
