i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize