Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was like eating out sand paper
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
