babies were throwing up all over the place
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
