OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
