Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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