haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
