We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
