Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
