Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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