would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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