so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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