I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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