If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
