On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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