we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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