Just fell off a train. Bad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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