So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
