i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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