Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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