You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
