hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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