38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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