please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
