I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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