I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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