if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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