I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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