Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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