Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize