I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
