I think I died a long time ago.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
