i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
