Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
