i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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