sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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