420 ftw
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
