i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
