You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
