i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
