NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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