Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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