i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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