so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
