The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
