Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
