yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize