you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is Oprah even human
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize