Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
