Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
