He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
