Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
