Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
