I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
