I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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