Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
