I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
