Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
