Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
