Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
