can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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