I have demons in me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
