why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
