My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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