Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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