Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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