I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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