One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You're like the curious george of whores
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
