he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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