How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
