I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
