but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
