final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
