mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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