don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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