I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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