Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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