Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize