Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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