and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
