He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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