i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize