So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
