Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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