I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
