I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
