the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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