Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
