He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
