he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
