My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
