Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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