the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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