DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
