YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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