Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
