Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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