I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
