is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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