I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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