i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Too much gin, very little bucket
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
