I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
